Blatant quote from my adored Bob Dylan to kick start today’s ramblings.
And aren’t they just? I feel right now that I am watching M change so fast some days that my head is spinning. After last week’s near disastrous dancing lesson I was very laid-back this morning, just mentioning quietly that I would love to take her for a celebratory fairy cake at the cafe for good effort at dancing and left it at that.
Well, I returned to find a busy M still dancing away in a group for heaven’s sake. Not with a 1 to 1 (which they will do if there are enough young helpers) but in a group. Wow. She is attributing this to the new (to her) dancing shoes in the next size up, which I must admit do fit her better.
After a lovely lunch in the aforementioned cafe we hit the shops. This is part of our Saturday routine and I couldn’t tell you which one of us dislikes it most, but with a 20 mile round trip every time we go out it makes financial sense to shop while we’re already here. Sadly it was one of those days when I needed to visit 3 different supermarkets to buy what we needed. With 2 children on the spectrum and another with severe food intolerances I do have to be careful. Anyway, M hates Tesco and wanted to sit (as usual) in one side of a shallow trolley. I said no, I had too much to buy. She wasn’t happy BUT she didn’t run off or start yelling and screaming.
Tesco done we headed for Lidl for a few things. Their trollies are the wrong shape but we managed a quick dash. Then Asda for just 2 items. “Please Mummy I hate Asda I want to sit in the trolley” I figured I knew how much she could cope with and we whipped in and out in a few moments.
No meltdowns, no running away, is this my little girl? I remember going to a seminar where Olga Bogdashina stated how important it was to keep some shopping in your autistic child’s life as at some point they would, with encouragement, manage to cope with a certain amount of the sensory torture such a trip can bring. I am seeing this a lot with R, my ds1, and now it seems I am starting to see a glimmer of hope in that department with M too.
On the way home M decided she would like to go to the park this afternoon and told me she was “going to ask my Daddy because I love him and I want some Daddy time.” I’m sorry, you what? This is the child who has been super-glued to my side for the past six and half years choosing Daddy time. I suggested she waited till all the shopping was put away instead of jumping on him the second we were through the door. She actually listened! Seriously, what alien has come and swapped my baby girl for a lookalike? Not complaining though, I would like to point this out.
So, M and Daddy went out, and I got a rest. I did take a 15 minute power nap, but mostly it was a rest from the being the one that just has to be there for her, the one who makes all the decisions, the one who cuddles her, reads to her, encourages her to eat, helps her dress, you name it, her world has revolved around thinking no-one else can possibly be as good as me. Which is flattering for about 10 days and after that it does get pretty wearing. After six plus years it’s just what I do. Until today. Today M made a choice that didn’t involve me. And I was delighted.
Maybe this is the start of a realisation that I don’t need to be there for her every second. Just maybe. And maybe tomorrow it will be like it never happened. But it did, and I like to believe it will happen again.