R.I.P

14 Mar

This morning at 8.30 I got a phone call I was expecting but dreading. It was to tell me that a lovely man had died a bit earlier today.

His name was Granda (not his real name but all my kids called him that and for respect of his widow’s privacy I won’t name him). He was 80 and had been frail, and frankly fading, for the last few months. he was rushed into hospital on Tuesday afternoon and I knew he wouldn’t be coming out.

Who was he? My “dad” and the childrens’ “granda” but only sort of. When we moved here over 10 years ago he and his lovely wife adopted us as part of their already large family and all my children have grown up being blessed with more grandparents that the children of parents from a non-divorced background would normally get. A whole extra set of wonderful warm people to tickle them, listen to their stories, bake and knit for them (that bit was Nanna!) and just generally be there and love them. I got the understanding and support that parents can offer an adult child, and the love I needed when my own (quite lovely) parents were, as they still are, over 600 miles away and I wanted a hug or some adult perspective. I love taking Nanna shopping, and helping out with wee jobs as I can fit them around life with a young family. It worked so well.

And now that has been torn apart. My children are wise and know that death comes to us all. They are all very sad but will learn to accept that is what happens in life – no one gets out of death. I worry about Nanna – they were together for 60 years – and I worry mostly because I am on the periphery of the family and as such might not get much of a say. Which is probably right, but I worry that undue pressure will now be put on her to move into the town, away from her memories and her open spaces, and that well-meaning people will try and take over, treating like an invalid and not like a woman who needs to grieve and who will then pick herself up and carry on. She’s tough in a gentle way, is Nanna. Practical, hard-working and philosophical, with a heart as big as a house, and I think, if loved and supported, she won’t need to move, but I am concerned that she will attempt to please everyone else and do what “they” think is right.

Why am I writing this? Who knows. You can’t change it any more than I can, but maybe you can spare a thought for Nanna, and maybe all those thoughts will drift her way and give her the resolve to deal with her loss and to move on with strength, finding the way to live the rest of her life on her terms. Positive thinking never hurt anyone.

Am just about to take M, my youngest, along to the cottage and see if Nanna is back home yet. I saw smoke coming from the chimney earlier so I know someone is there, it might be one of her own children or grandchildren, and I want to pay my respects.

Advertisements

2 Responses to “R.I.P”

  1. helen666 March 14, 2013 at 6:44 pm #

    What a lovely post, thinking of you all at this difficult time. Love, hugs and prayers for all of you. R.I.P Granda xxx

    • ouremuk66 March 14, 2013 at 8:56 pm #

      Thank you Helen, it’s been a tough day for everyone. Bad too for my elder lad who is away at school and is having to deal with his grief away from his family. Thank goodness I’ll see him tomorrow.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

It Must Be Mum

A Site for Resources and Reflections That May Help Those Navigating Aspects of the World of 'Special Education Needs'

Lane Hayes

Leaning Into the Fall

Glass Walls

My FTM Journey

Shoestring Cottage - Frugal Living

shoestringjane@outlook.com. Find me on Twitter and Instagram: @shoestringjane

THE LIFE OF TONT

The random musings of a soldier, father, and husband

Mary's Ménages Reviews & Promos

♂♀♂ Another way to Review Erotic Ménage Romances...

The New Normal

An extreme autism experience

Aspects of Aspergers

perspectives from the spectrum

The House of Elyot

Just another WordPress.com site

'Nathan Burgoine

mostly short queer fiction from a tall queer guy

Author Susan Mac Nicol

Adult content warning - Over 18's only please.

Queen of my Castle

A mother's tales of toddlers, tantrums and triumphs

Gay Book Reviews - M/M Book Reviews

Reviews of M/M Themed Books

AutiWomanDifferentBox

This is about not thinking inside the box but thinking in a completely different box

Squeeze the Space Man's Taco

A journey into Cade's world

Jay Northcote

Contemporary LGBT Romance

%d bloggers like this: