Struggling

10 Dec

I’m not even sure where to start. It’s usually wee M who is the subject of my written thought processes but tonight it’s me. I have been visited by the black dog. He came in somehow yesterday and by lunch time he was one psycho puppy. Unfortunately he decided to take me along for a particularly bumpy ride with him and I can’t shake him off. 

It hasn’t helped that the washing machinehas gone wrong, the main door lock broke and we ran out heating oil this morning. Any one of these would have upset a regular day but all three together have conspired to make today a truly epic fail.The good news, because there is some,is I had a shower at a friends because the immersion heater was taking too long, another friend let me use her machine, and hubby has brought home and fitted a new lock.

Sadly none of the above has made me feel any better in myself. I am trying to tell myself that two horrendous days do not mean I shall be falling headlong into a pit of despair but the truth is I have been scared in case the  depression of the past creeps up on me to a point where I am barely functioning.

I shall attack tomorrow with all the energy I can find. I have made notes of things I intend to achieve during the day so hopefully having a list will be helpful. And luckily tomorrow evening the autism centre is having a craft session for the children so it will be a welcome opportunity for me to see some people I can be myself with, without need to pretend if I am feeling meh

As for M, she’s not had a great start to the week either. Sunday was spent recovering from a meal out on Saturday evening which she found simply too noisy to cope with. Her erratic behaviour and mod swings spilled over into this mornings school run which made it stressful for everyone. I know her anxiety levels are very high right now due to the Christmas preparations at school and the continued worry about the school play. However that has now been sorted – M will have a home dinner and stay at home with me for the afternoon session on one day, and have a Christmas school meal and watch the play on the other. All pressure to be involved in any way “front of house” has been removed. Another good mark for the school that listens.

So, it’s not all doom and gloom. Tomorrow is another day and all that.

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4 Responses to “Struggling”

  1. Tracy December 10, 2013 at 10:36 am #

    I feel for you, lovely…
    Looking after our children can be exhausting, more so mentally so when problems like washers breaking down come along- they become BIG problems because were are knackered. And they always seem to come in threes don’t they? lol

    It’s perfectly natural that you will feel down – you’ve so much to cope with. Christmas is very stressful for M and in turn, for you.

    I hope you have a better day today, I’m sure your mood will improve when you’ve done some crafting and had a natter with your friends.

    I’m glad that things have been sorted out for M at school.It’s good that they are listening to you. It’s the Nativity this afternoon and although S will be next to Mrs C all the time, I am dreading it. S is struggling with it all and visibly so. We’ll see what happens…
    Wish I could give you a hug. xXx

    • ouremuk66 December 11, 2013 at 10:26 pm #

      Cyber hugs work well too Tracy, thank you lovely. Things have improved quite a bit. Am working hard not to return to the state I was in on Monday x

  2. aviets December 10, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

    I’m so sorry to hear that depression is sneaking up on you. It’s awfully easy for a caregiver to ignore those symptoms – there always seems to be someone else who we think needs care more than we do. But I hope you’ll listen to your feelings and your body, and do whatever you need to do to feel better. Peace – Amy at http://www.momgoeson.wordpress.com

    • ouremuk66 December 11, 2013 at 10:27 pm #

      Thank you Amy – I am getting there. I think it might (she says hopefully) have been a really nasty blip rather than an unavoidable slippery slope but I am trying to look after myself. You always say such kind things xx

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