Archive | April, 2014


26 Apr

Tracy, aka @C0dfanglers tagged me in this meme. You might learn something new about me 🙂


1. What are you wearing?

Skinny jeans, top, short-sleeved cardi

2. Ever been in love?


3. Ever had a terrible break up?

Yes, oh yes.

4. How tall are you?

5′ 9.5″

5. How much do you weigh?

Truthfully I don’t know but waaay too much. I get away with it cos I’m tall.

6. Any tattoos?

Not yet

7. Any piercings?

Ears, several times, nose and belly button, but the belly button one rejected itself *sad face*

8. OTP?

For me? Guess I’d better say Hubby but I really want to say Sean Bean

9 Favourite show?

Casualty or Holby City

10. Favourite bands?

I seem to prefer solo artists but recent bands I love are The Vaccines and Scouting for Girls. Bands I still sing along to – INXS, Blondie, The Beat, Duran Duran.

11. Something you miss?

My Gran, every day. And my BFF from Down South.

12. Favourite song?

Otis Reading – I’ve Been Loving You Too Long

13. How old are you?

48 – gulp

14. Zodiac sign?


15. Quality you look for in a partner?

Makes me laugh, looks like Sean Bean (I managed 1 out of 2)

16. Favourite quote?

If it ain’t broke don’t fix it

17. Favourite actor?

Sean Bean

18. Favourite Colour?


19. Loud or soft music?

Both, depending on my mood.

20. Where do you go when you are sad?

Usually my bed, but sometimes the beach.

21. How long does it take you to shower?

Five minutes, tops, and that includes washing my hair.

22. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

School morning, 5 minutes. Weekends, about half an hour,.

23. Ever been in a physical fight?

Twice, won them both. Not sure I should actually feel proud about that.

24.Turn on?

Good hygiene, nice arse, Sheffield accent (sorry can’t help myself)

25. Turn off?

Poor hygiene, know-it-all attitude

26. The reason I started blogging?

140 characters on Twitter weren’t enough 🙂

27. Fear?

Not living long enough to ensure my kids are settled and happy; mice (shudders)

28. Last thing that made you cry?

The adoption documentary I watched on Thursday night

29. Last time you said you loved someone?

This afternoon to Hubby before he drove home in horrendous fog.

30. Meaning behind your blog name?

I think it’s self-explanatory

31. Last book you read?

The Casual Vacancy – JK Rowling

32. The book you are currently reading?

Alchemy – Ailsa Abraham

33. Last person you talked to?


34. Last show you watched?


35. The relationship between you and the person you last text?


36. Favourite food?

Curry – specifically mushroom bhaji

37. Place you want to visit?

The B.V.I 

38. Last place you were?

Local town for M’s dance class

39. Do you have a crush?

Celebrity? Yep, that’ll be Sean Bean if you hadn’t guessed already. IRL – not any more

40. Last time you kissed someone?

When my two smallest went to bed tonight

41.Last time you were insulted?

This evening, by M, my youngest in the middle of a meltdown

42. What instruments do you play?

Descant recorder, tin whistle, bit of keyboard/piano

43. Favourite flavour of sweets?

A favourite? You mean I have to choose? Impossible

44. Favourite piece of jewellery?

My eternity ring

45. Last sport you played?

Swimming, if that counts

46. Last song you sang?

Femme Que J’aime by Jean Luc Lahaye, I was belting it out with YouTube earlier

47. Favourite chat up line?

Never had one

48. Have you ever used it?


49. Last time you hung out with anyone?

Last year with my pal 

50. Who should answer these next?

Nick and Jeannette


Silent Sunday

20 Apr

Silent Sunday


Silent Sunday

13 Apr

Silent Sunday

Spoke Too Soon

7 Apr

M had her first full on meltdown for ages today.

I took four of the kids over to visit an osteopath today. We’ve all been before, M more than the others as I was never able to leave her when I’ve been in the past. The house is familiar and welcoming, and Tracey (the osteopath) is one of my favourite people ever. M settled happily with snacks and a DVD on her sister’s laptop. 

When we had been put back into good shape we popped into the town for some lunch. The younger two had eaten a packed lunch as I knew we would be late eating, but I got them both an extra wee something. 

I knew that after over an hour in the car each way plus all the waiting around that a good run about in the fresh air was essential so we headed to the park where enormous fun was derived from a zip wire that has been installed since our last visit. M was fearless on this, and then got a great workout on almost everything else before we got back into the car. 

Part way home I remembered we would be passing a particular shop and I decided to run in and pick something up rather than have to make a special trip out of my way at another time. I was literally a few moments but M didn’t want me to go without her. She started to cry. And then to shout loudly.

Maybe I should have taken her with me, maybe not. I wasn’t up against any deadline. But once she started demanding I thought she was having a tantrum so I left her with the others. Turned out to be a mistake. I returned to find three of them desperately trying to hold onto a distraught girl who was screaming fit to burst and smashing her head repeatedly on the car. I finally got her calm and we set off again.

The journey home was punctuated with a lot of echolalia, a sure sign of M setting her world to rights, but luckily her meltdown was forgotten by her at least. Sometimes she seems totally oblivious to the mayhem; at others she can be exhausted and withdrawn for hours.

So, what was the trigger? Stopping for the shop? I don’t think so. I hadn’t specified we would head straight for home and it’s not unusual for me to kill two birds with one stone this way. Being cooped up for too long? Again I don’t think so. And she had a huge sensory workout which usually makes her feel calm. Maybe she had a panic attack about me going out of her sight. I will probably never know. 

I’ll tell you this much – all her siblings now want a pair of ear defenders!


6 Apr

IDYLL: – “An extremely happy, peaceful or picturesque period or situation, typically an idealized or unsustainable one”

The Oxford Dictionary definition of idyll. And one I am currently experiencing.

Let me explain. M is happy. Really, truly happy. Everything is right with her world. Her school has broken up for the Easter holidays and there is a fortnight of lazy mornings, relaxed rules around clothing, food and TV watching, and with the guarantee of a chocolate-fest at the end. Not forgetting her youngest brother has a birthday next week, more excuses for cake and fun.

However, the real reason for her contentment is that E, big sis, is home from university for to weeks. Sadly not the same two weeks as everyone else due to important classes the week before Easter itself, but no matter, the missing piece of our family is back “where she belongs”, lying around in her funky pyjama bottoms, enjoying the endless cups of tea and broadband, and dolling out cuddles and sisterly love in the form of listening to M read her school books and collecting her from school.

This is when I am happiest myself – I love all my kids under the same roof. It tears at my heart every Sunday during term time when R gets in his taxi that takes him back to his boarding school. And I am getting better at not turning into an hysterical mess when E goes back to uni. 

But for M, E leaving is just “not right” Luckily she can’t really remember a time when R wasn’t doing his weekly commute so although she is always delighted on a Friday evening, his departure doesn’t affect her in the same way as E leaving does. The anxiety that is part of her autism will not let her be convinced that E will be coming back again, and she pines for her sister. It colours every part of her life and she even finds it hard to park in a certain part of the local town for her dancing class as that’s where I took a photo of them wearing matching duffel coats and big boots – “it makes me sad Mumma” :


So, I am enjoying my idyll and trying to push next Sunday afternoon to the back of my mind. That’s when E takes the train back to uni, and I have to console a wee girl who just won’t be able to process the concept of “not gone”. I don’t know why she can deal with other people leaving and coming back and not her sister, but I always hope that one day the pain will be smaller, and my cuddles will be enough reassurance.

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