IDYLL: – “An extremely happy, peaceful or picturesque period or situation, typically an idealized or unsustainable one”
The Oxford Dictionary definition of idyll. And one I am currently experiencing.
Let me explain. M is happy. Really, truly happy. Everything is right with her world. Her school has broken up for the Easter holidays and there is a fortnight of lazy mornings, relaxed rules around clothing, food and TV watching, and with the guarantee of a chocolate-fest at the end. Not forgetting her youngest brother has a birthday next week, more excuses for cake and fun.
However, the real reason for her contentment is that E, big sis, is home from university for to weeks. Sadly not the same two weeks as everyone else due to important classes the week before Easter itself, but no matter, the missing piece of our family is back “where she belongs”, lying around in her funky pyjama bottoms, enjoying the endless cups of tea and broadband, and dolling out cuddles and sisterly love in the form of listening to M read her school books and collecting her from school.
This is when I am happiest myself – I love all my kids under the same roof. It tears at my heart every Sunday during term time when R gets in his taxi that takes him back to his boarding school. And I am getting better at not turning into an hysterical mess when E goes back to uni.
But for M, E leaving is just “not right” Luckily she can’t really remember a time when R wasn’t doing his weekly commute so although she is always delighted on a Friday evening, his departure doesn’t affect her in the same way as E leaving does. The anxiety that is part of her autism will not let her be convinced that E will be coming back again, and she pines for her sister. It colours every part of her life and she even finds it hard to park in a certain part of the local town for her dancing class as that’s where I took a photo of them wearing matching duffel coats and big boots – “it makes me sad Mumma” :
So, I am enjoying my idyll and trying to push next Sunday afternoon to the back of my mind. That’s when E takes the train back to uni, and I have to console a wee girl who just won’t be able to process the concept of “not gone”. I don’t know why she can deal with other people leaving and coming back and not her sister, but I always hope that one day the pain will be smaller, and my cuddles will be enough reassurance.