I don’t know what is going on in M’s head right now but she’s not in her happy place, that’s for sure.
The darker mornings are definitely helping her not to get out of bed so early, which is a real blessing in the half term. However, anything – and I mean anything – I try to get her to do, from eating to getting dressed, has been met with piercing screams. Sadly she has also been like to this to B, which isn’t great for either his sensitive ears or his nerves. I’ve been realising that he takes her sudden noisy mood changes to heart more than is healthy, BUT, and this is important, he still cannot resist winding her up. He really should know better by now.
Anyhow, I thought getting everyone around the table for a delicious brunch of eggy bread might settle her, and it did for about half an hour. The screaming began again over something that was so insignificant it can’t even be called anything, and I stepped in. M was sobbing, and no cuddle was enough to comfort her. I suggested she might try and draw what was the matter, as it as helped in the past. To be honest I wasn’t expecting her to agree as she has been spectacularly resistant to anything she perceives as a demand, but she headed for the kitchen to find pencil and paper. She drew this.
It broke my heart to see she labelled herself as bad. I’m not daft enough to think that sad wouldn’t have been on her list, but it hurts when your child is so desperately unhappy.
Part of me is immensely proud that she was able to draw and write how she was feeling so accurately. There was no way I could get any more than a shrug from her in conversation so to be able to locate and then articulate her emotions on paper is a huge step. It also shows how visual she is, all that information was locked up in a child who couldn’t verbalise one word of it.
I reassured her that she is not bad, she might do “bad” things like throwing and hitting but that does not make her bad. I asked her if she wanted to draw things that would help her feel better, and she went off meekly to comply. Two “demands” in a row and she coped with them, a small breakthrough.
This was her wish list. The top people are friends (not specified) and the bottom three are her siblings currently at home. On the right as you look at the picture is a TV and a sofa – her DVD viewing all sorted out.
She was able to explain that she thought her siblings didn’t love her, which they do, but they had all shut her out today (realistically because she was driving them nuts) so I went with her to ask for a hug from each of them. Then I reluctantly let her watch a DVD. I have been trying to wean her off too much screen time but faced with such an obvious plea I would have felt utterly heartless doing anything else.
The remainder of the day has been slightly easier. She got the play dough out after the DVD and was busy for ages making biscuits and cakes. I think the sensory feel of it is calming for her. Then we had a lovely Skype conversation with her big sister which left her laughing and happy. The visual side of Skype really engages her. She still hates the telephone.
I do wonder if she is struggling to process the change between school and holiday time. She was in a state for several weeks after the summer holiday, and now we have similar behaviour. She would choose in a heartbeat to be at home rather than at school but she is not good at the switch, and it seems to be getting harder rather than easier.
Right now she is asleep, and with any luck she will have a peaceful night. Tomorrow is another day. Clean slate time.